Never Forget to Say "Loving You" in My Life
     I am standing on the grass lawn, breathing deepy, facing upward the white cloud in the sky which is as white as snow, as transparent as silk… A kite is flying freely in the sky far away from here. There seems a pair of big eyes looking at me when overlooking. What in my hand is the string of that flying kite…
     The sunshine splashed into the little room in the morning. The birds were clamoring at the branch of the tree. I got up with desultory images appearing in my mind: the white snow, the high flying kite and the pair of big eyes.
     It’s time for our freshmen's admission. I went to the new campus with joy and my dream. I didn't know why I remembered that pair of big eyes again when sitting beside the fountain and looking up to the sky. I cleaned up my clothes, and then went to the classroom of Class 2 Grade 1. When I got to the front of the door, I who were always confident hesitated. I wondered what would be behind this door. I shut my eyes in fear and trembling. I was knocked out just when I was about to push the door. Ah… I sat on the floor with a malformed face. When I open my eyes, I saw a pair of big eyes together with a hail of nurvous questions. I didn’t hear him clearly. I just gazed at his big eyes, and I couldn't help flushing. He giggled for twice and then drew me back…Thus I knew the first classmate of my high school--- Xue.
     The life in school was dull. However, there was always a piece of lawn and a pair of big eyes, which made me smile gratifiedly in such bored life. Since Xue was the classmate I knew first and he was the deskmate of my best friend, we played many jokes in our daily life. He had helped me a lot in some bagatelles, but I dimoled in my heart.
     “It’s troublesome to live in school. I have to put so many books into the desk…” I complained when placing the books. “Baby, let me help you with these books.” It was Xue. He was busy placing while talking. I was just gazing at him aside, gazing at his big eyes. After finishing, he giggled twice. And I smiled embarrassedly. I said “Thank you” in a low voice. One lunch time, I was singing happily in a low voice while dancing. Suddenly, I stepped on a foot of someone's. I said “Sorry” immediately. When I turned back, I saw Xue. I smiled twice like Xue. “I would have stepped several more if I knew it were you.” He looked at me with his big eyes, said smilely, “You are revenging!”…
     One day during the later days, Xue wasn’t in the class. I picked up his biology textbook to read the execises. Suddenly, a message paper fell down from the book. It read: “Let’s go to have lunch together today!” but there isn’t any names on it…
     I had the same dream almost everyday. I dreamed of the kite. It was flying in the sky, looking still beautiful. And the big eyes, too. Sometimes, I thought maybe the big eyes in the dream was Xue’s.
     Living in school made me miss my family. I cried. I really wanted to go home. I sat on the rightside of a stone stool,sobbing silently. All of a sudden, I heard a voice of footstep. I scraped the tears quickly. But the trace can still be seen. I turned back my head. It was Xue. I was afraid of his descrying my tear trace, so I returned my head at once. He said nothing but sitting beside me quietly as if we were alike. It seemed that we were both missing our warm homes. It was cold, but I gradually got warmer and warmer with Xue around me. I never felt suffering any longer.
     Those days, I was aware of the different eyesight in the dormitory little by little. They were kind to me in appearance. I told all my feelings towards Xue to my best friend---Ping. I said to her: “I think I am falling in love with Xue.” She smiled and blessed me. Later, Xue seemed colder to me. What’s more, he kept away from me intentionally. He took me to the place where had few people when we were together. It seemed that he was fear of others’ seeing us in tow. I felt sad and doubtful.
     I was on duty that day. I was quite gloomy because Xue went to have lunch alone. I swept absent-mindedly, thinking of Xue’s attitude towards me and if he loved me. At the moment, I found lots of smashed papers under Xue’s chair. No, it was a shattered letter. I picked them up carefully and put them together one by oen. It was Ping’s handwriting. The units of Chinese characters lunged into my heart just like handfuls of knives. How could she do so? How could she say me like this? She was my best friend. I was so believed in her. …I cried crazily. I got a heartache. I recalled the past several days. Everything happened for the sake of this letter. I got a heartache because of the friendship between Ping and me. I considered her as my best friend, so I tell everything in my mind to her. Why did she treat me like this? She wrote to Xue: I was playing jokes on him and I hadn’t loved him. Why ? I really loved Xue, loving profoundly…I knew that the friendship between Ping and me was ended here. I felt I was so silly. I was kept in the dark about all this. I cried to my eyes became red. I didn’t find that our friendship was so weak until now. Millions of “why” flashed in front of me. I cherished our friendship so much. But, why?...
     I saw the big eyes when my eyes were full of tears. It’s Xue. He came. He always shown up when I was saddest, weakest and needed help. He comforted me. He said he had known the truth. He told me: “You must have friends besides me.” He asked me not to be so self-indulgent. I followed him. And I begged for the true friendship that I had considered.
     He accompanied me to the door of the dormitory in the evening, saying good night gentlely. He left after smiling at me. Looking at the view of his back, I smiled too. I felt satisfied once I was with Xue. Even though I was annoying for him, my heart was sweet. I turned back walking slowly. I knew that there is a pair of big eyes gazing at me. I knew that I was not lonely.
     I developed with Xue. It seemed that all the people around us were opposing us, even though, we didn’t mention about it. One day, we had the first drawing hands on a brightful asphalt road. I felt I was the happiest girl in the world even though just drawing one figure. Xue had given me many first times, such as the first time I had  hand-pull noodles, the first time I went to the school library and the time I felt the special care. I also had the most unforgetable birthday. On that day, he gave a present and saw me eating the birthday cake bite by bite. I had never been so happy before.
     However, good times never last long. Happy times always pass quickly. In a word, he left me maybe because of my self-indulgence or our juvenility. I had tried to redeem all this, but in vain. He left coldly. I didn’t know why, despite that he had said he would be kind to me and he loved me. He forgot what he had said on his birthday. He said: “I love you.” And then he explained: “I love you means I’d like you to be my wife and live with me forever.” He had ever said: “I will feast you a good meal later when I have enough money.” “You are so thin that I can hold you up.”…
     The true oaths flashed one by one. The polts that I was with him whisked over from the front of my eyes. All had been ended, but he impressed me clearly. I wondered what was my status in his mind. But I knew that he was everything to me. I really couldn't forget him. I could still remember the days with him: We often talked on the rightside of the stone stool; I said I liked green, he said so he did; I said I liked daffadilly, he said so he did; I said I liked chinar, he said so he did; when I knew his favourite fruit was pear, I decided to love pears hence on. However sad that day for any reasons, the annoying things would vanish once he was around me. My expression liked the sunshine in every second.
     He was my firt love. How could it ended so quietly. My dream was completely broken. I didn’t know how to love him for he was my first love. And he didn’t know what kind of love I needed. I sacrificed a lot for him, indeed. Was it because what I needed too much? Perhaps he couldn’t bear my kind to him. But the fact was that he left. Maybe he wouldn't come back again. Xue said that we’d better become ordinary friends. We would be very happy, too, and we could be together everyday. Maybe, he was good for me. He wanted me to work and study reassuredly and live a happier life.
     At night, the dream appeared again. The kite was still flying in the sky, suddenly a strong wind blew off the kite. It flew away forever. It couldn’t come back despite that I chased crazily in the lawn or shouted loud. The sense of flying kites just liked facing a strange object. Seeing it in a distance, but it wouldn’t cause desperation. Xue was like the kite in my dream. But now where are you, Xue? Where are you? Please tell me!
     He left, just like the kite in my dream…

(Translation/Meng Xiaoli )

Source : Women’s Home Club Nvxing.com